FareEffingWell Horrible 2015

2015 was a horrible year. Absolutely hideous, and yet I learned so much. I kinda had to.
I neglected the most important people in the world to me, my family and myself. When you stop listening to your gut, and give up all your strength and control, things get fucked up. So that happened.

It was a thing of giving in so much, that you lose track of who you really are and what you really want.
These two sick motherfuckers approached me, I behaved like a wimp for too long, I let them in and gave them control, I knew it was wrong and for some reason I didn´t do anything. These people are so sick, in the head. and all over. Only someone who is completely fucked up can tolerate the things they were involved in, scam, deceit, prostitution, alcoholism, lies and whatnot. If only I had known any of these before I let them earn my trust. I´ve been fascinated since I was little with the minds of serial killers, their psychopathies and mental illnesses, but I never thought I would look at something like this from the front seat. These people manipulated me into believing that they were helping me (whatever they meant by it) while used my name, my image and myself to create more lies, to occult their true horrible nature and fulfill their needs of self esteem and hide their terrible inferiority complexes. It´s like they have this modus operandi where they pick someone and trick them into buying all their bullshit, because they are like leeches, they feed off them, both of them have no self esteem at all, the older one needs to love someone from the distance, to create stories in his head, to convince himself and their victims that he is useful, helpful and honest, at the same time that he craves control and uses emotional blackmail to maintain that sick relationship, the other one, equally self loathing, but maybe more naive and perverted at the same time, whoring himself out, engaging in self destruction and almost tricking his own mind into thinking that he buys his own "i am a respectable person" bullshit. Desperate to be someone they don´t despise, they have become delusional, stealing whatever they can from other personalities, they grow stronger the more you let them suck your energy. And that is what I did from november 2014 to november 2015.

At times it makes me so mad at myself that I allowed that shit to happen, even when deep down I knew it was all wrong, I knew I didn´t want any of that crap, and yet I didn´t do anything to stop it.
That was over when I made my decision on may 2015, and that day I was so relieved, and happy, surprisingly. But it didn´t last long, because the older one came back, I always wondered why all the attention, and consideration, when I was part of it, I didn´t realize the symbiotic sick relationship they have built over the last 6 years. So stupidly I allowed him back in, huge mistake. this person is so desperately needy, so poisonous that I don´t think he even realizes all the things he really does. Like a murdered whose level of consciousness is so low, his physical response to it is to block stuff from his own mind in order to not see all the damage he is doing to himself and others.

Anyway, it took almost a year, between anonymous messages, being stalked, literally followed in the streets and harassed on the internet that I tried to file for a restriction order, just to realize there is no such legal figure here. Until I finally grew some balls and came to think that I was the one feeding those two fucking leeches with my energy and attention. No more.
I heard they found some other poor guy, I feel bad for him, but most of it, I feel bad for those two, because they are so sick they cannot come to a good end, and I don´t fucking care. Because whatever shit happens to them, they deserve it believe me.
These year was so fucking awful it threw me away completely, familiar issues, the loss of a loved one, my uncle, whose sudden death at his young age still waters my eyes some days. I forgot who I was and what I aim for, because that is what they do to you, they need you to feel lost, because otherwise they cannot manipulate you, and they did, I have to give them that, they are good at it, not the best tho, because it was me who let them get away with that for a while. Until now.
My mind is healing now, I am almost there, I don´t hate anymore, I feel sorry for them, I thank the fact that I am no longer in that situation, and I proved to myself how fucking strong I am. I became a better, stronger, smarter person. Thanks assholes, Go find someone else to fuck with, in the end you are only doing it to yourselves, and when I hear about how your own evil is rotting yourselves, I will still be at peace, because you had it coming.

Enough thinking of this.
Fareeffingwell

D.