Terrores nocturnos, de nuevo...

Hace más o menos un año, eran las 3 de la mañana. Desperté en la madrugada y en la esquina de la habitación, había una sombra, se parecía mucho a uno de mis amigos de Zacatecas, pero al enfocar la vista, uno de sus ojos parecía estar sumido en la cuenca, y estaba jorobado. Al  voltear la mirada a mi lado izquierdo, junto al closet, estaba una pequeña niña con rasgos orientales, un vestido blanco y cabello agarrado en una coleta. Me miraba con odio y no pude evitar sentir pánico, mientras intentaba moverme sin éxito, paralizado, comencé a hiperventilar deseando que todo fuera un mal sueño. El tipo que se encontraba en la esquina de la habitación comenzó a acercarse, podía ver entre sombras como movía sus brazos intentando tomarme de los pies, mi corazón estaba a punto de salirse de mi pecho, por más que intentaba moverme, era imposible. La persona que dormía a mi lado, entre sueños se giró y tocandome el hombro con su brazo balbuceó: "ya, tranquilo". Lejos de tranquilizarme, eso me reiteró que no era un sueño, aunque de cierta forma ya lo sabía. El pánico y agitación aumentaron, cerré los ojos como si eso fuera a protegerme, y al abrirlos de nuevo, el hombre y la niña habían desaparecido y mi respiración se comenzaba a normalizar. Pero no podía evitar esa sensación de miedo al saber que los terrores nocturnos estaban de regreso. Ya habían pasado 5 años desde aquellos últimos días en 2010 donde prefería dormir de día y en casa de mi mamá, para no estar a merced de esos seres, esas sensaciones, esos entes, o lo que sea que se manifestaba cada noche, donde quiera que yo estaba.

Un par de meses después, dormía sólo, o eso pensaba, cuando al medio despertar vi a un hombre parado al lado de mi cama, de unos 50 y tantos años, con panza, canoso, con unos boxers flojos y una camiseta blanca de tirantes, parecía quejarse de alguien, repetía cosas como "ella me hace sentir mal, dice que no valgo nada" y otras cosas que no recuerdo claramente, su cabello era canoso. Yo no podía moverme y sólo quería levantarme y prender la luz para asegurarme de que fuera un producto de mi imaginación, pero era imposible.  Aunque el hombre estaba al lado de mi cama, no miraba en mi dirección, estaba volteando hacia la puerta. Yo quería levantarme pero al mismo tiempo tenía mucho miedo de captar su atención, igual no podía moverme, me sentía paralizado. Mientras escribo esto en mi habitación me llegan escalofríos. Se me ocurrió que tal vez podía cerrar los ojos de nuevo para que al abrirlos se haya ido. Así lo hice, cerré los ojos. Yo estaba acostado boca arriba, más o menos en posición diagonal, al cerrar los ojos, mi pánico fue mayor, pues sentí como alguien tomaba mi cabeza con ambas manos y la sacudía violentamente, como si quisiera hacerme reaccionar, por reflejo abrí los ojos y no ví a nadie, mi respiración era muy agitada y podía escuchar palpitar mi corazón retumbando en toda la habitación.


Semanas después, terminaba de estudiar de madrugada, me fui a dormir y al poco tiempo soñaba, en el sueño me encontraba en una cueva enorme y por alguna razón buscaba a unos niños, que yo sabía habían sido abducidos por extraterrestres, en la cueva se escuchaban goteras, ruidos de animales, y una especie de ventilador enorme, pero no podía ver gran cosa. De repente desperté en mi habitación, con los pies hacia la ventana, y sentí terror al ver a una figura tal cuál describen en películas y documentales, una persona pequeña con cabeza enorme y ovalada. Era sólo una sombra, frente a mí, de nuevo el miedo me tenía paralizado, logré para mi sorpresa, incorporarme y gritar (al menos yo sentía que estaba gritando) el nombre de mi roomie, con la esperanza de que me oyera en su habitación; para mi sorpresa, no desapareció la sombra, si no que ahora podía ver sus manos levantadas, no como si fuera a atacarme, si no como si me estuviera haciendo ademanes para que me tranquilizara. Volví a recostarme aterrorizado y cerré los ojos hasta que logré tranquilizarme y volver a dormir.

Otro episodio sucedió hace no mucho, en abril pasado, mi amiga Aymé se encontraba de visita, no dudé en advertirle que algo así podía suceder, aunque ella ya estaba al tanto. Como es la costumbre dormíamos en mi cama (una king size) y estando yo volteando de lado, desperté de madrugada, me dí cuenta que de nuevo no podía moverme, la desesperación me hacía tratar de mover las manos, con los ojos entre cerrados pude ver una especie de humo negro que salía de debajo de la cama, una estela de él se fue directo a mis manos, que se encontraban juntas, como si las atara. Otra parte del humo giraba en espiral y me cubría completo. Mis piernas estaban paralizadas y al mismo tiempo se sentían adormecidas, al entrar en pánico y no saber qué hacer, comencé a tratar de mecerme de un lado a otro, sin éxito; en mi desesperado razonamiento creí que al mecerme podía despertar a Aymé para que hiciera algo por ayudarme. Intenté al mismo tiempo gritar su nombre, sólamente me escuchaba a mí mismo balbucear a pesar del esfuerzo, sin embargo tuve éxito. Sentí a mis espaldas como Aymé despertaba y se incorporaba, me sacudió y me dijo: "qué tienes?"
Después de sentir que me sacudía, logré hablar, le dije: "hay algo debajo de mi cama, justo aquí", yo estaba todavía temblando un poco, ella se levantó y prendió la luz, se asomó debajo de la cama. No había nada. Le dije que últimamente me estaba pasando mucho de nuevo y que probablemente ya se había ido. Apagó la luz y volvimos a dormir.

Es la 1:38 am, y es la primera vez en varias semanas que no estoy muerto de cansancio, al menos no tanto como para no reparar en esa sensación de que algo así podría ocurrir de nuevo, como todas esas veces en las que he creído que estoy durmiendo sólo, cuando no es así. Es hora de apagar la luz, aunque a veces no quiero.

Dec

FareEffingWell Horrible 2015

2015 was a horrible year. Absolutely hideous, and yet I learned so much. I kinda had to.
I neglected the most important people in the world to me, my family and myself. When you stop listening to your gut, and give up all your strength and control, things get fucked up. So that happened.

It was a thing of giving in so much, that you lose track of who you really are and what you really want.
These two sick motherfuckers approached me, I behaved like a wimp for too long, I let them in and gave them control, I knew it was wrong and for some reason I didn´t do anything. These people are so sick, in the head. and all over. Only someone who is completely fucked up can tolerate the things they were involved in, scam, deceit, prostitution, alcoholism, lies and whatnot. If only I had known any of these before I let them earn my trust. I´ve been fascinated since I was little with the minds of serial killers, their psychopathies and mental illnesses, but I never thought I would look at something like this from the front seat. These people manipulated me into believing that they were helping me (whatever they meant by it) while used my name, my image and myself to create more lies, to occult their true horrible nature and fulfill their needs of self esteem and hide their terrible inferiority complexes. It´s like they have this modus operandi where they pick someone and trick them into buying all their bullshit, because they are like leeches, they feed off them, both of them have no self esteem at all, the older one needs to love someone from the distance, to create stories in his head, to convince himself and their victims that he is useful, helpful and honest, at the same time that he craves control and uses emotional blackmail to maintain that sick relationship, the other one, equally self loathing, but maybe more naive and perverted at the same time, whoring himself out, engaging in self destruction and almost tricking his own mind into thinking that he buys his own "i am a respectable person" bullshit. Desperate to be someone they don´t despise, they have become delusional, stealing whatever they can from other personalities, they grow stronger the more you let them suck your energy. And that is what I did from november 2014 to november 2015.

At times it makes me so mad at myself that I allowed that shit to happen, even when deep down I knew it was all wrong, I knew I didn´t want any of that crap, and yet I didn´t do anything to stop it.
That was over when I made my decision on may 2015, and that day I was so relieved, and happy, surprisingly. But it didn´t last long, because the older one came back, I always wondered why all the attention, and consideration, when I was part of it, I didn´t realize the symbiotic sick relationship they have built over the last 6 years. So stupidly I allowed him back in, huge mistake. this person is so desperately needy, so poisonous that I don´t think he even realizes all the things he really does. Like a murdered whose level of consciousness is so low, his physical response to it is to block stuff from his own mind in order to not see all the damage he is doing to himself and others.

Anyway, it took almost a year, between anonymous messages, being stalked, literally followed in the streets and harassed on the internet that I tried to file for a restriction order, just to realize there is no such legal figure here. Until I finally grew some balls and came to think that I was the one feeding those two fucking leeches with my energy and attention. No more.
I heard they found some other poor guy, I feel bad for him, but most of it, I feel bad for those two, because they are so sick they cannot come to a good end, and I don´t fucking care. Because whatever shit happens to them, they deserve it believe me.
These year was so fucking awful it threw me away completely, familiar issues, the loss of a loved one, my uncle, whose sudden death at his young age still waters my eyes some days. I forgot who I was and what I aim for, because that is what they do to you, they need you to feel lost, because otherwise they cannot manipulate you, and they did, I have to give them that, they are good at it, not the best tho, because it was me who let them get away with that for a while. Until now.
My mind is healing now, I am almost there, I don´t hate anymore, I feel sorry for them, I thank the fact that I am no longer in that situation, and I proved to myself how fucking strong I am. I became a better, stronger, smarter person. Thanks assholes, Go find someone else to fuck with, in the end you are only doing it to yourselves, and when I hear about how your own evil is rotting yourselves, I will still be at peace, because you had it coming.

Enough thinking of this.
Fareeffingwell

D.

My gift to them

Those who betrayed my trust. who tried to humiliate me, who lied to me face. Those  people one day will see me, when I am a big star, and they will tell their friends a part of me was inside them, and I fucked them good, and no one will believe their words, but deep inside their hollow hearts and minds they will know it`s true, I fucked them once when I didn´t know any better, and even tho their friends will tell them to shut up and stop lying, they will smile, and that smile is my fucking gift to them.

D.

Evidence That the Human Body is a Projection of Consciousness

I have read a lot of articles in this matter and still trying to figure out how to explain it to others and to myself in the simplest of ways. In my experience not only physical healing comes after realization that illness was one´s own responsability as well, a projection of your own mind, unbalanced in thoughts and emotions. Physical pain can be the guideline for our mental work in order to reconstruct or redefine the holographic structures in which quantum physics (atoms and molecules) are organized. This is the key to self healing, the awareness, a new level of consciousness  that is achieved through attention, intention and the loss of fear. READ THIS.

http://themindunleashed.org/2014/04/proof-human-body-projection-consciousness.html

Human Thought Determines Reality

One of the key principles of quantum physics is that our thoughts determine reality. Early in the 1900′s they proved this beyond a shadow of a doubt with an experiment called the double slit experiment. They found that the determining factor of the behavior of energy (‘particles’) at the quantum level is the awareness of the observer.
For example: electrons under the same conditions would sometimes act like particles, and then at other times they would switch to acting like waves (formless energy), because it was completely dependent on what the observer expected was going to happen. Whatever the observed believed would occur is what the quantum field did.

The quantum world is waiting for us to make a decision so that it knows how to behave. That is why quantum physicists have such difficulties in dealing with, explaining, and defining the quantum world. We are truly, in every sense of the word, masters of creation because we decide what manifests out of the field of all-possibility and into form.
The thing is, the quantum level of reality isn’t a local and insignificant aspect of creation. It is all around us, and it is the most fundamental level of creation aside from the unified field itself. The human energy field is interacting and influencing the quantum field all around us at all times and the energy of our beliefs and intentions are infused into our energy field because they are defined by the energy of our thoughts and emotions.
Thus the fusion of our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and intentions, which I will call the human energy field for simplicity’s sake, is perpetually informing the quantum reality within us and around us at each moment of our existence.
And because reality is flashing in and out of existence (hypothetically at Planck time – 10⁴⁴ times per second – as explained by The Resonance Project biophysicist William Brown), every time our reality oscillates between form, and the pure energy state of the field, our awareness which is constant and doesn’t flash in and out of existence informs the field what to reappear as when it makes its transition back to form at the quantum level.
Therefore each time we oscillate into formlessness, we have complete and total control and responsibility over what we choose with our attention to manifest out of the field in the next moment, and our power and ability to do so relies entirely what we believe, and on how we are feeling.
A dramatic example of this is the case of Vittorio Michelli. In 1962 he was admitted to the Military Hospital of Verona, Italy with a large tumor on his left hip. The doctors knew that they could not help him, so his case was deemed hopeless and he was sent home without treatment, and after about 10 months his left hip bone had completely disintegrated. As a last resort, he traveled to Lourdes, France and bathed himself in the spring there (which is a Christian holy site famous for producing miracles).
Immediately he started feeling better, he regained his appetite, and bathed himself in the spring a few more times before he left. After a few months of being home he felt such a powerful sense of well-being that he urged the doctors to x-ray him again, and they were astonished to find that his tumor had shrunk. Over the next several months they kept a close watch on him, and his X-rays showed that his tumor kept on shrinking, until it was gone. And once his tumor disappeared, his hipbone started regenerating.
After two months he was walking again, and several years later his hip bone had completely regenerated. The Vatican’s Medical Commission, in their official report said:
“A remarkable reconstruction of the iliac bone and cavity has taken place. The X-rays made in 1964, 1965, 1968, and 1969 confirm categorically and without doubt that an unforeseen and even overwhelming bone reconstruction has taken place of a type unknown in the annals of world medicine.” (The Holographic Universe, p.107)
Ordinarily this would be deemed miraculous, and indeed it truly is. But I find this miraculous in the sense of the true power of human intention and belief that it displays. Moreover, this is powerful evidence that suggests that there is an energetic structure which our ‘material bodies’ align with, because that is one of the only logical explanations for how Vittorio Michelli’s hip bone knew exactly which shape to grow back into unless there was some sort of energetic blueprint which was instructing its growth, which as the Vatican’s Medical Commission clearly stated, was “unknown in the annals of world medicine.”
In medicine, maybe this was unknown, but the same cannot be said for physics. At the atomic level atoms bond with one another to form molecules which have specific geometric structures as if there is an energetic blueprint which they are adhering to which dictates the shapes they maintain together.
If our bodies are a projection of consciousness, then our consciousness would create an energetic blueprint which our atoms and molecules align with to create our bodies. There is highly suggestive evidence of the existence of this energetic blueprint (or human energy field) in the new research on DNA which proves that it transmits, receives, and thus reads energy directly from the field.
Michelli’s case is a perfect example of our human ability to re-organize that vacuum structure with our energy and intentions, and thus manifest what we desire directly out of the field for truly miraculous results. The fact that he started to feel better and started to believe that he was healed is, I suggest, the key to his healing.
Some may want to stick with the belief that God healed this man, and I would agree to you. But you and I would probably disagree on the nature of this God. For I contend that you are god, as are we all, because the force we call God is the energy and infinite consciousness behind creation, and thus when we tap into ourselves as pure consciousness, i.e. without thought through meditation, then we open ourselves to the infinitude of our own awareness because we inseparably are that infinite creative consciousness. We are it and it is us.
And when we open up to that energy, we allow ourselves to be flooded with a “powerful sense of well-being” and knowing which has astounding power to create reality, and directly affects our biology.

The Body as a Projection of Consciousness

I want you to really internalize the understanding that reality is flashing in and out of form. This is absolutely crucial in understanding our ability to heal, because if half of the time we are formless, then (1) Who are we really, because obviously our bodies and the material world is illusory to a degree; and (2) What is the blueprint which is guiding the rearrangement of our bodies each time we quite literally re-materialize?
The answer to both questions would be consciousness. Our bodies are a holographic projection of our consciousness, and they are the sum total of our beliefs about ourselves. If we can change our beliefs about ourselves, and thus if we can change the energy that defines our human energy field, then we can change the energetic blueprint which our body aligns with as it re-materializes back into form 10⁴⁴ times per second.
(The exact structure and dynamics of our consciousness which make us both a fractal and holographic expression of this infinite God-consciousness can be found in Nassim Haramein’s Holofractographic Universe theory, and in his work Crossing the Event Horizon.)
Deepak Chopra told a story that illustrates this perfectly in his book, How to Know God. A friend of his injured his foot while working out in a gym because he was unaccustomed to using one of the machines and strained it. The pain in his foot increased over the next few days, and he found it increasingly difficult to walk, so upon “medical examination it was found that he had a common ailment known as planar fasciitis, in which the connecting tissue between the heel and the front of the foot had been stretched or torn.” (How to Know God, p.221)
His friend decided not to have surgery and instead to tough it out, but in time he found it so painful and difficult to walk that he sought out a Chinese Healer in desperation. This Chinese man was ordinary by appearance, and gave “no evidence of being mystical or spiritual, or in any way gifted in healing.” The injured friend of Deepak Chopra continues:
“After gently feeling my foot, he stood up and made a few signs in the air behind my spine. He never actually touched me, and when I asked what he was doing, he simply said he was turning some switches in my energy field. He did this for a minute or so and then asked me to stand up. I did, and there was no sensation of pain, not the slightest. You have to remember that I had limped in, barely able to walk.”
He continues:
“In complete amazement I asked him what he had done. He told me that the body was an image projected by the mind, and in a state of health the mind keeps this image intact and balanced. However, injury and pain can cause us to withdraw our attention from the affected spot. In that case, the body image starts to deteriorate; its energy patterns become impaired, unhealthy. So the healer restores the correct pattern – this is done instantly, on the spot – after which the patient’s own mind takes responsibility for maintaining it that way.” (How to Know God, p.222)
This story has fascinated and inspired me ever since I heard it. As we have seen, reality is flashing in and out of existence innumerable times every second, oscillating between form and formlessness, and quantum physics knows that our thoughts and beliefs influence the quantum reality which is the source of the material world. Therefore it is only natural to assume an energetic and formless source for all of creation, including our physicality.
I think it is absolutely clear that we must start to consider ourselves as more than a physical body. In truth it is much more coherent to think of ourselves as a luminous energy field organizing ourselves in a body, or as pure consciousness manifesting and temporarily experiencing this level of reality through our bodies. New evidence is clearly illustrating that our mind is non-local and is independent of the brain, which means it doesn’t need the brain, or the body for that matter, to exist.^[1]
We are so much more than we think we are, and infinitely more than we have been lead to believe. The next step that we have to take, moreover, the next step in our human evolution now involves us learning how to use and hone this power we have to influence reality and literally manifest anything we want directly out of the field, from a new hip, to perhaps better eyesight, or a fit and healthy body, all the way to a new life.
But how is this done?

Healing Your Field, Healing Your Body

To heal, all that we need to do is purify our energy so that the energetic projection of our body is unobstructed. Then our atoms and molecules can align perfectly to this structure because there is no energetic interference to disrupt the image of our body as projected by our consciousness.
We do this by getting in the gap between our thoughts, where our beliefs no longer affect our reality, for, when we are not thinking, we are also free of beliefs and expectations. And by doing this we are aligning ourselves with universal principles, and matching our energy with the energies coming directly from the field of all-possibility – those high frequency energies of love, kindness, inspiration, passion, joy, and so on.
The first step is to consider the possibility that we are not only energy, but that there is infinite energy all around us which we can consciously tap into to promote healing in our body and mind, to become a more happy, healthy, vibrant and creative being. As soon as you start to connect to the infinite energy of creation and your own true nature as formless energy, then you start to become aware of these energies in your body which returns the projection of your body to its natural state.
The projection of your body can only be disrupted by a disturbance in your energy field – your consciousness - caused by unbalanced thoughts and emotions, and limiting beliefs. Our luminous energy field is naturally vibrant, and our energy naturally flows unhindered as a powerful stream of consciousness, but the lower levels of consciousness, which we have been conditioned to live in as part of our social indoctrination, disrupt this flow which if left unhindered would express its perfection everywhere.
Another key concept to understand is that your body is always regenerating. In a talk of Deepak Chopra’s that I listened to, he pointed out that atoms do not age. They do not die, and the same atoms that existed at the big bang around 14 billion years ago exist to this day, some of which are even within you.
Every year 98% of the atoms in your body are exchanged for ‘new’ atoms. You are constantly dying, and being reborn, and literally transforming at the atomic and molecular levels. Every three days you have a new stomach lining, every month you have new skin, every three months you have a new skeleton. And every year you have almost an entirely new body (Deepak Chopra from Living Beyond Miracles with Wayne Dyer).
Deepak Chopra described it beautifully by saying that our atoms “are like migrating birds”. They are not permanent, they are completely independent, and are drifting through space and time and merely being organized into structures such as our bodies by none other than our energy field which organizes them as a magnetic field organizes metal filings, only slightly more complex.
What more proof do we need in order to start looking at our bodies differently, and in general looking at the mechanism of health itself in a new light?
None of the raw materials that form your physical body age, moreover, they are constantly changing. Therefore I ask this of you. Is it really you that is changing? And what is the force that organizes these atoms and molecules back where they are supposed to be, and makes sure that they perfectly and harmoniously continue to do their jobs even while your cells and atoms are migrating by the billions?
Your body is not the real you. Your body is merely a projection of what you believe yourself to be. If you could discover that you are pure consciousness, and that who you really are is an infinite creative awareness that is manifesting reality and co-creating reality with other aspects of yourself (because every being is an expression of the infinite universal consciousness we have labelled as God), then you can start to take complete control over your body, your health, and your life.
Chronic pain, disease, illness, or the old injuries that you have in your body are not actually in your body, they are in your mind. More specifically, they are a function of your perception. Your atoms are always changing, and your molecules are too, but as new atoms come and as new molecules are formed, and as you flash in and out of existence, your energetic field is telling them where to go, what to do, and how to align with one another.
Therefore, you are holding disease, illness, pain, and injuries within your consciousness, and thus, they are imprinted in your energetic field, and only then do they proceed to manifest in your physiology.
If this is the case, then not only is our health completely under our willful control, but the rate at which we age may even be under our control as well. Now I am not suggesting that we can be immortal, because we already are as infinite beings of consciousness. What I am suggesting is that in a time long forgotten, and in the near future, human beings have had and will realize again the ability to live from this field, and live consciously from their nature as luminous beings of pure energy.
At that time human beings will realize that the body is a manifestation of our highest self, and we can not only consciously manifest anything in life, but anything in our bodies as well. And one day we will reach a point where we can continually regenerate our bodies at will because we live from the field of infinite energy, and thus our bodies simply operate at a higher frequency so that we can live in them until our work is completed and we choose to move on.
Fantastic? Yes. But these changes are noticeable within the human body and mind even after a little bit of practice and training, so decide to feel and experience it for yourself, and learn how to meditate. This is what evidence is clearly suggesting and my own experience also indicates to be true. The only hindrance to tapping into this nature of the universe is your own conscious awareness, your level of attention, and your beliefs.
Our ability to heal is directly related to our level of attention and our level of belief. For example we can heal ourselves of any affliction, illness, disease, or injury that is possible so long as we have absolute certainty, a knowing, that we will be healed. This is directly achieved by accessing the most fundamental level of reality through deep meditation.
This is because at the fundamental level of reality, anything is possible, and the restructuring of reality is dictated entirely by our beliefs and expectations. We are pure energy, and there is infinite potential in that energy. It is entirely up to us what we choose to manifest out of the field in our lives and in our bodies.
You have no limitations, and nothing is impossible. It is only your beliefs which dictate what you can and cannot do.

“Miracles happen, not in opposition to nature, but in opposition to what we know of nature.” - St. Augustine

About the Author

Brandon West is the creator of Project Global Awakening. A website dedicated to the research of a variety of scientific and spiritual disciplines, and applying that knowledge to help you live an inspired life and change the world. Follow Project Global Awakening on Facebook, and Twitter.
Sources:
 - [1] Exploring the Nature of Mind and our Holographic Brain, from http://www.projectglobalawakening.com/2014/03/29/nature-of-mind/
Credits: Waking Times | This article has been used with express consent from the copyright holder at their request.

Separate the Pain from the Knife

Never been good at interpreting silence. I hate that kind of silence, the one that does not preced a violin, a guitar line or a piano solo. We do all we can to remain safe, to not be vulnerable, until we forget what it is to get hurt and then we open up and regret it  soon. A little too late. Ain´t life a bitch sometimes?

Do not regret!  you might have found failure, but you have an experience, put it in your bag with all the other  failures and carry it around, limping, looking down, until next time you are brave and fool enough to put yourself out there for nothing.

You will still be standing, that is for sure, the scars will not take you down, they will  only make you uglier, probably colder, with an unstable mind, longing for comforting arms to wrap you around in sleepless nights, in anxiety,  when your throat feels like a knot, your eyes look teary and your lungs feel colder than an ice cream treat in the freezer.

Get the fuck over it.

Liberación humana, liberación animal.

Cada que aumentamos nuestro nivel de conciencia, expandemos nuestra visión del universo entero, empezamos a ver cosas que parecen haber estado ahí siempre a pesar de no habernos percatado, nos volvemos más empáticos al mundo que nos rodea, comprendemos que cada uno de nosotros va librando una batalla y nos abrimos al hecho de respetar cada una de nuestras luchas.


  Así mismo nos parece cada vez más incomprensible como funciona el mundo, como las cosas realmente importantes son pisoteadas y lo efímero se glorifica, empezamos a ver nuestras emociones, a comprenderlas con una inteligencia que no se adquiere en las aulas, y llegado el momento vemos que el sufrimiento es evitable, que la justicia es alcanzable y que los animales son otras naciones, que han tenido la desdicha de compartir este mundo con nosotros, y entonces comenzamos a luchar, sin importar si estamos sólos, porque nuestra conciencia no se sienta tranquila ni puede mirar hacia otro lado cuando vemos un corazón roto y una mente encadenada, sin importar el envoltorio, peludo, en cuatro patas o cómo sea...

Europa en Abril

Abril se habrá ido en silencio, pero llegó con mucho ruido. Mi primer viaje a Europa y exclusivamente para tocar, con A Shelter in The Desert, para presentarnos en el ALOUD MUSIC FEST en Barcelona el viernes 4 de abril, compartiendo cartel con bandas del tamaño de Exxasens, Vessels, Jardin de la Croix, MaybeSheWill y otras más en el festival de 3 días. Luego del stress previo al viaje, abordé el avión que me llevó a Toronto, de ahí a Frankfurt, para llegar a Barcelona al día siguiente. Estaba lloviendo y hacía mucho frío, cuando Oscar, guitarrista de ASITD y yo fuimos a un restaurante de comida turca en la Av. Paral lel. Estaba muy cansado pero el aire helado y la belleza de la ciudad me mantenían despierto. Por la noche, lugo de que llegaron los demás de la banda fuimos al festival, ahí pudimos ver a Exxasens y a MaybeSheWill dar tremendas actuaciones. Al día siguiente paseamos un poco por el centro de la ciudad, conocimos La Sagrada Familia y el Barrio Gótico, nos estabamos hospedando en un pequeño departamento muy cerca de la sala donde fue el festival (La 2 del Apolo). Nos movimos al hotel que por cierto era manejado por un mexicano que se mostró muy contento de vernos ahí, lamentablemente no convivimos ni platicamos mucho por él, por las prisas. Llegado el momento nos encontrabamos en el backstage y había mucha tensión, era mi primer show en vivo con ellos, y encabronadamente resultó ser en tremendo festival abriendole a Vessels!

Total, con temblor en las piernas y ante tanta gente, empezamos, sonaba el intro de piano del buen Fryman y las luces sobre el escenario creaban el ambiente para empezar el verdadero viaje. No podría describir lo que se siente estar tocando en momentos como ese, simplemente hacen que todo el cansancio, las horas de viaje, la presión, y el trabajo previo valgan la pena. El reto era enorme, y salimos bien librados, es cierto que nos falta experiencia, tanto individualmente, como en grupo, (bien lo señalaro algunos reviews) pero nada que dedicación y tiempo no resuelvan. Al terminar nos sentíamos realmente contentos, como cuándo terminas un tremendo exámen, o entregas un trabajo que te tenía loco, creo que he tratado de aferrarme a ese sentimiento ahora durante la resaca. Al terminar el evento pudimos convivir con las bandas, incluyendo a los Exxasens, que tíos más agradables! Parece una locura que muchos años antes yo los escuchaba en mi departamento en Zacatecas, y ahora estaba hablando con ellos en el backstage de un festival en Barcelona, surreal.

Lo cuál me lleva a la otra cara del viaje, los callejones de Barcelona, las carreteras españolas, los letreros en catalán, el cielo despejado, las montañas verdes, los pueblos con pequeños castillos, todo parecía ser perfecto, excepto esa sensación de nostalgia extraña, de incompletud. Recuerdo cuando Jorge y yo platicabamos todo el tiempo de como llevaríamos a EALE a europa, para tocar junto a nuestros ídolos, y hablar en francés e italiano y tomar fotos en todos lados y rockear como nunca. Pues una parte de mí estaba emputadamente triste, y esa parte es muy egoísta, porqué no me deja disfrutar?


Él ya no está, se fue hace 7 años, quién sabe que hubiera pasado, todos hemos cambiado tanto, el mundo ha cambiado tanto, a veces me pregunto realmente cuántos amigos tuve en Zacatecas, cuántos tengo aún, y que he dejado ahí de mí, que me estorbaba tanto. Siempre que vuelvo tengo ese sentimiento extraño, como si hubiera visto todo en una película, lo bueno, malo y lo peor que me pasó allá, recorro las calles como reconociendo escenarios, y sin embargo me sigo sintiendo ajeno, a distancia, tal vez protegiendome. En fin, volviendo al viaje,  no me ha costado mucho trabajo pasarla bien. Grandes amigos, tocando, paisajes hermosos, Madrid, Don Benito, donde nos trataron excelente, en todos lados la amabilidad de la gente nos hacía sentir en casa. Amo viajar, es impresionante como hacerlo abre tu panorama, el mundo se ve más brillante, más amable, las posibilidades se vuelven infinitas.  Los demás shows fueron menos tensos, igualmente estabamos cansados, pero todo fue más relajado y cómodo, y gracias a estos vatos me sentí como viajando en familia. Ha sido tremenda experiencia, un crecimiento en muchos aspectos y que estoy seguro ha sido sólo el principio, al mismo tiempo que se ha derivado de mucho esfuerzo previo. No hay nada mejor que rodearse de gente que pone el corazón en lo que hace, que le chinga, que se ha esforzado y que realmente se acciona, para lograr sus objetivos, desde que llegué al df sólo he conocido gente así, Fake Designers, ASITD, amo tenerlos cerca y ver como los proyectos van creciendo. Madrid es hermoso, no lo había imaginado así, y me he quedado con muchas ganas de conocer más de Frankfurt, pero pronto. El tiempo pasó volando y regresar acá habría sido difícil de no ser porque fui a casa con mi madre a quien extrañaba de sobremanera. Eso hizo más amable el "aterrizaje". Aunque luego he tenido que aprender mucho más, y no ha sido nada fácil, pero ahora, a tenor de tratar de aferrarme un poco  a ese sentimiento que acabo de revivir al escribir esto, evitaré pensar en lo que aquí sucede. Vamos a dejarlo así. Que esta experiencia ha sido la puta ostia cañera!

VIDEO DE UNO DE LOS SHOWS :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9pEoxJMU4s