It´s been months now since I wrote here. Can´t say I was procrastinating. Finishing my album was more exhausting than I have thought. I also called my friend Yamille Marmont, to make the photoart for the album as well as direct two videos, one for Heretic Waltz and one for the song called Jose Saenz. She´s an awesome photographer and now video/film maker That weekend was really stressing and fun at the same time. But working on something I love is not the reason for stress. I was recording guitars for the new EALE album at the same time, took me 3 weeks to get it all done, as well as a few midi strings and piano arrangements. Just a few of them I felt like doing, because I would like Martha (our former piano player) to make the most of them. Anyway, the audio engineer required me to record tracks so many times for quality sake it was insane. I felt like I would never finish, but the worst part is no one was around. Not even one day.
I hope things will pick up soon. This weekend was pretty much hell on earth. I got really sick, still don´t know why. Fever, cramps, headache, whole body-ache, and an uncontrollable need to shit all the time kept me awake. Then the neurotic feeling of depression and paranoia. I was alone in a four bedroom house, and all night I had this feeling someone wanted to break in, so I kept stumbling over and over to check the doors and windows. It´s like going crazy and knowing it, but not being able to do anything about it.
Felt like I was being bullied by ghosts. And sometimes I seriously wished they could come in and kill me, so that would finally come to an end. That´s how desperate I was.
That was 2 days ago, now I still feel like crap, but not as much. If I am able to go back to the studio tomorrow I will, to start the mastering of my album, as of EALE´s work, I hope they can show the interest it deserves, because so far it sounds really badass.
But back to the videos, for the Heretic Waltz vid, we went to the hills to a nice landscape, the whole idea of the vid was to create a psychomagical act, where one is able to confront his own shadow and rid of the shackles of neurotical weight, put on us by our culture, or our parents, our education and whatnot. Obviously did not work for me on real life. But in video it looks great. Being able to loose all those burdens and climb to the top of the mountain to finally feel free. The song is about it, emphazising more on religion, our fathers and mothers teach us to fear God, teach us to be good not to go to hell, because they don´t know any better, and we suffer for it, but we listen to the music from within ourselves and carry on. That´s it.
For the other video, the song Jose Saenz, the name may sound weird for a song, it is not my teen pop idol or anything like that. When I started to get all these horrible nightmares daily, my therapist told me to do some sort of "nightmare journal" which I did. And this one was a pretty akward dream, in it, I was a teenage boy with some friend of mine who looked nothing like me, he had blonde hair, green eyes, like my parents do, and I was with him until he disappeard, killed by his father and buried under his house like a dirty secret he don´t want anyone to know about. In the dream I was desperate trying to exhumate his dead body, because in my own words "he couldn´t stand being at that house while he was alive". And at the end of the dream I told my mom the name of my murdered friend, oddly enough it was Jose Saenz, for some reason I haven´t been able to make out. Now I know that in the dream I was projecting myself on this friend, in some aspirational delusion, and blaming my dad for who I am not. There were other elements in the dream I am too lazy or too sick to write about now. But for the video instead of making some elaborated ideas that depicted this weird episode, I just gathered a bunch of cool friends to do playback. It was stressfull, and the playback was a disaster, but hopefully it will look better on video than it did live.
I don´t know what else to say. I wanted to write this in spanish but I suspect if would have taken me twice the time to find the right words.
Too late for that now tho.
Soap and skin is playing.
And I hate scene bands with scene all macho brutal pseudo hardcore attitudes. Wish they all died. I dunno if that´s true or I am just digressing from the fever.
I guess we´ll find out when the medicine kicks in.
Here´s a still from the Heretic Waltz video.
-Dec.
No hay comentarios:
Publicar un comentario