gather yourself

Sleepless nights. Homesick. Too much to do. Not one ounce of strength. Archie´s fades on the speakers. Used condoms laying on the garbage basket like beat to death snakes. Thoughts of self pity. Open window. Sore throat. 2 am sandwich snacks. Classic movies. Missed calls. Whatsapp. Visiting a website profile like I am visiting a grave and mourn to the could have beens. Silence, this goddamn silence. No answer. Working out. Long walks. Long thoughts. Too much too long thoughts. Stupid people, stupider conversations. Friends and laughter. Somehow not enough. Too much pressure. Too little time. Restrained. Powerless. Exhaustation seen through frustrated eyes. No apetite yet ate too much. Gather yourself. Stand up. Watch the clouds go away. You did wrong, as always.
Cables. Books. Lead sheets. Learn faster. Be better. There is no time to waste. You´ve wasted most of yourself. No one is there in the end. Release. Let go. The Yearning. Close the curtains. Stop the show. No one is listening. Keep it to yourself. You deserved better, as always. Get used to it.
Broken door. Brown cookies. Lemonade. Bananas. Alarm clocks. Morning oatmeal. Plane tickets.
To hell with all. I am going away.

-Dec.