AIMLESS DRIVING

Aimless driving (Originally posted on july 1st  2005)

I just came back home from a little ride by myself
I was driving aimlessly, through this whole place, I saw a lot of people getting ready for  friday night fun. Cars full of kids stopping to buy beer, heading to bars, and I was just driving around, aurore rien was playing in my stereo, I stopped in a red light and I was dumbly singing along with the song "hearts murmur under halogen lights", a car stopped in my right side, a young couple inside, I thought I was feeling ok, but then they kinda looked at me, and then looked  at the right seat of my car, yeah it was alone, it was like if they were sort of laughing at me,  it felt weird
I stopped singing
I turned down the volume
I rolled up the window
and  then  drove to my father´s house
he was in the doorway so we entered the house and sat on the living room
.....long silence...............3 minutes of usual trivial conversation...
i said good bye and took off
put on a dredg record and drove away
again aimlessly
I felt really alone

it´s not even 11 pm and i´m home, still listening to aurore rien
people hurt you and leave, music is always there
as soon as I came home it started to rain
I wonder....... if I´m still like this because I want it this way
or I am just afraid of human contact and I don´t want it anymore
i just hope I never end up feeling like this all the time
and I hope i am not driving aimlessly for the rest of my days
and if u are reading this you should know I care about you and even though we don´t know each other that well, there is a connection, and I miss you
and I wish you were here just to talk and give me a hug

  aurore rien---- deficit dyslexic